i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
