eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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