There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just invented taco cereal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
