is your mom at the bar?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
