I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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