and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
