A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
