I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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