I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
