I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize