I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
