Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
