im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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