dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
