when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
