i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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