Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
