You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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