I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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