You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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