I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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