It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
