Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
