Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
