I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
