he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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