My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
