I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
