I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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