I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
