First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
