My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
