READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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