i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
