When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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