david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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