so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
