My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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