He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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