We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
