Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
