You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
