then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
