i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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