Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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