New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
