The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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