The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he shaved USA in his pubs
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
