def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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