At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
