this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
