you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
