there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
