SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
