My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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