3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
