We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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