the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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