If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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