I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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