i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
