It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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