I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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