Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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