Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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