There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
