Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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