batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
